I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
