it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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