If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
