How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
