I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
