I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
