Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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