It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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