I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
