Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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