If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
