Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
