I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
