i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
