u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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