Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
