I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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