So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
