Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
