I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
