How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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