mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
