Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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