he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize