already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
