There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do herpes really smell.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize