I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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