I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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