i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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