Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
