my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
