How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize