i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
