just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize