i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
