I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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