remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
