hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
