I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
