Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
