Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
