His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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