He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
