hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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