Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize