Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
