my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
