I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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