First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
