Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
