okay pat passed out under dana's car
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
