i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
