I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
