I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
