I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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