I faked an abortion last night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
