Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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