Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize