OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
