This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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