she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize