I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
