thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
