You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You pole danced in your parka.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
