Got a toothbrush?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize