i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
