I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize