I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
