at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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