I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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