She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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