Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
