clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
so much tequila, so little girl.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize