Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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