i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
