I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
