I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My bed smells like the plague
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