I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
bring money and cleavage
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize