Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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