how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
