Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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