I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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