Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
